Jentina

Jentina.....

This is not a dreeeeeam....

THIS IS A FUCKIN' NIGHTMARE, YA BITCH!

This is the intro to the song which, in my opinion, is the best thing to emerge from the 46 minutes in the mid-noughties when Jentina wasn't just some gypsy skank nobody. Sadly for Jentina, the best moment of her really quite short career involved her getting the shit ripped out of her by 'the thinking man's Jentina', Lady Sovereign in Sov's hilariously infantile but really quite lyrically sharp 'Sad Arse Strippa', a parody of Jen's earlier single 'Bad Ass Strippa'.



BAD ASS





SAD ARSE


The general theme of Bad Ass Strippa seems to be Jentina boasting about how her bad ass stripping is driving all the boys crazy, and how being a bad ass strippa has enabled her to live a champagne [or perhaps a babysham] lifestyle, telling of a life full of Escalades, Fifty Dollar bills and "A Gucci Thong". Lady Sov, perhaps accurately, has decided that Jentina's boasts of flash cars and promiscuous sex with rich businessmen are bullshit, and wastes no time in transferring her grievences into song form.

Since this post is intended to be about Jentina, let us concentrate on the video for Bad Ass Strippa for a moment. It is immediately apparent that this video has many problems, namely;

1) Jentina looks absolutely nothing like a pop star.

2) Jentina has about as much lyrical flow as Ann Widdecombe on prozac.

3) Jentina dances like she is trying not to shit her pants.

4) The triumphant boasts of a millionaire lifestyle contrast sharply with the video, looking as it does like it was made on a budget of stolen milk tokens and that week's jobseekers allowance.

In the video, I've spotted a grand total of two people actually stopping to pay attention to her, which is quite fitting really. The only memorable thing about this song, and indeed this video, is the 'money money money moooonnnneeeyyyyy' sample forming the spine of the track, which isn't even Jentina's to claim.

Bad Ass Strippa reached the lofty heights of number 22 in the UK singles charts, which I'm pretty sure was not what anyone involved with the whole Jentina project was hoping for/expecting. But all was not lost! A few months later, Jentina wandered out of the children's playing field her brethren probably called home and had a second crack at being the new Britney Spears/Madonna/Elvis with the single 'French Kisses', a somg so unmemorable that I've forgotten that I listened to it 1 minute ago. The only reason I know I listened to it is due to the page on Youtube still being open. French Kisses charted TWO WHOLE PLACES higher than Strippa, at number 20, which in the grand scheme of things is akin to comparing being hit by a bus travelling at 30mph being better than getting hit by a bus travelling at 25mph.

To be honest, Sov's well-observed riposte didn't really have any adverse effect on the career of her caravan-dwelling counterpart, chiefly because by this point there was no career to speak of. To even suggest that Jentina had a pop music career at all is perhaps being slightly generous. Two singles barely scraping into the top 20 makes a popstar not. A minimal amount of Googling tells me that Jentina has carved out a new career as a model, appearing in a spoof of that cadbury advert with the gorilla playing that Phil Collins song, and modelling some expensive bras and panties for some company or other.

Actually, considering Jentina's caravan-based upbringing, one could reasonably argue that Jentina is the UK's answer to America's favourite trailer trash skank Britney Spears, only minus the charisma, songs and star quality.

Jentina on Last FM