Mya

Mya is, by some distance, the most successful artiste to be featured in this blog's short, pointless history. Arguably her greatest achievement to date is reaching #1 in the UK as one fifth of the sexy laydeez who teamed up to record the classic hit 'Lady Marmalade' for the 2001 movie 'Moulin Rouge.' Mya performed the first verse of the song and is easily the most forgettable aspect of the song. I mean, Pink has the whole 'pink' gimmick going for her, Lil' Kim has the amazing rap and Christina Aguilera is Christina Aguilera. Missy Elliott also made an appearance as the MC of the brothel in which the slags do their work. Presumably she wasn't invited to writhe around on a bed in suspenders and feather boas because she was a fat hog. (NB- 'Misdemeanour' has since lost weight, but still isn't likely to be invited to writhe around on a bed in suspenders and feather boas...) Anyway, do check the video;



Again, Mya just isn't interesting enough. It doesn't help that Lil' Kim is a force of nature and Christina felt it neccessary to look like Marilyn Manson dressed as Barbie going to a fancy dress party as a slutty poodle. But with this in mind, my favourite lyric of the whole song is near the end, the "Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh! Mya." I love Lil' Kim. I hope her career dies just so I can write about how much I love Lil' Kim.

Of course, this isn't Mya's only achievent in the world of music. A few months prior to the Lady Marmalade slut-a-thon, she released what is (in my opinion) an amazing RnB/Pop song, Case Of The Ex. The story here is that the ex girlfriend of Mya's man has been sticking her big old behind in they binniss, so Mya, being an average woman, gets all jealous and demands to know what that skank wants. Why are women such bitches? There is a slight chance I may be missing the point of this video, but it's much more likely there isn't one. Is the desert setting a metaphor for something? I suspect not. It just looks pretty. Here is the video:



Even listening to this song now, it completely reeks of "this artist struck it lucky but will NEVER do anything nearly as good ever again." Case Of The Ex got to #3 in the UK charts, #1 in Australia and #72 in the Swiss chart. 2 out of 3 major worldwide music charts isn't bad.

Even before this song, Mya had troubled the charts on that Ghetto Superstar song, the front cover of which features a hilarious, tiny pic of her in the bottom right corner looking like a fish. The whole cover is actually complete shit. It's not even bad Photoshopping standard. It's like Microsoft Paint, or ClipArt or something.



Seriously, how cheap? And they have succumbed to the wildly irritating "let's spell things wrong to appeal to the hip youngsters who don't not much care for proper grammar!" ethos. Good song though.

Fast forward to 2003, and Mya is back! The album is called Moodring, which is an abysmal title. The first single from it is My Love Is Like... Wo. I actually bought this single, and really liked it. I'll be honest, I still like it. Here is the video:



Women in men's clothes is ALWAYS a good look. My favourite outfit is the pink shirt, short hair and glasses look. Notice how her hands spend a fair few moments in her vaginal area. Kinky bitch. It reminds me of the video for Shut Up by The Black Eyed Peas, when Fergie made blatant finger gestures towards the same area of her body. No one has ever noticed this except me, and I swear it gets cut out of the video. But it exists, I am sure of it! Near the end of this video, does Mya pull a Floppy Disc out of her pants?

I didn't hear of Mya after this song. She has released a few singles since, including the fantastically titled My Bra. But I have no desire to listen to it. That is Mya's problem. She isn't really that interesting. She's not shit as such, but she's not fantastic by any stretch. Had anyone noticed she had gone? Did anyone notice when she was here? Who knows.