Fatman Scoop

"If ya got a XXXXXL Shirt I can borrow, put ya hands up!"

The appropriately-titled Fatman Scoop waddled into the UK charts in 2003, shouting his way through sample-ridden dance track 'Be Faithful', a song built around a sample taken from Faith Evan's 'Love Like This' which sees Mr Scoop do little more than shout nonsense at his listeners. "SINGLE LADIES, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" grunts Scoop, which isn't all that suprising considering a jumbo jet would struggle to make itself heard over the fucking racket Mr Scoop is making. "WHO'S FUCKING TONIGHT?" demands Scoop in a manner which would suggest the idea of a casual fumble is filling him with rage and anger. I can tell you who isn't fucking tonight, and that is Fatman Scoop, since any human being unfortunate enough to find themselves within a 30 metre radius of this oafish foghorn would be rendered completely deaf. 'Be Faithful' was a number 1 success for Scoop, wedged between Sugababes' 'Hole in the Head' and Kylie Minogue's 'Slow'.


"If ya got a cheap-ass video, put ya hands up!"

Scoop's next release followed a similar theme of incoherent shouting, big bass and heavy use of samples, this time borrowing from Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock's classic 'It Takes Two' which became the imaginatively titled 'It Takes Scoop'. This is basically Scoop bellowing random shit (again) whilst It Takes Two playing in the background, interspersed with a brief Grandmaster Flash homage and synchronised handclapping. The video sees Scoop leaping up and down in a club full of easily pleased imbeclies and stomping around a cityscape in which he is the same size as most of the buildings, a scene in which special effects to were perhaps unnecessary considering the sheer size of Scoop. It wouldn't surprise me if he used lamp posts as toothpicks after picking up an entire field of cattle and popping them into his big mouth like meatballs. Anyway, It Takes Scoop was unquantifiably shit and I feel violated at having heard it again.

The only other thing I recall Scoop yelling over is Missy Elliott's rather fantastic 'Lose Control', in which he helpfully informed us that Missy and Ciara were in the house and repeatadly exclaims that "I'm on Fire!" at the end of the song. I can only assume that someone involved in the making of Lose Control had grown tired of his endless bleating and torched him alive. I like to think that Missy herself lit the fateful match as punishment for having the temerity to whoop and holler all over the really quite amazing Cybotron sample which provides the spine of the song. Not even Fatman Scoop can totally ruin a song as triumphant as Lose Control, try though he does, the fat bastard.



Man I literally fucking adore Missy Elliott in every way. I'm almost glad Fatman Scoop was awful because it gives me a reason to remember how amazing Missy is.

Fatman Scoop on Last.FM