Avril Lavigne

LOVING the Nikes. The rest of it, not so much.

A
Very
Repulsive
Imbecilic
Little
Lesbian
And
Very
Idiotic
Guys
Nimble
Engine


A hastily arranged, but fittingly apt acrostic I just made up using the name Avril Lavigne. Admittedly, I gave up on the last two letters, but I feel that letters A, V, R, I, L, L, A, V, I and G pretty much sum up the video to Avril's debut single 'Complicated', in which a far-too-pretty-to-be-a-tomboy Avril and her gang of doofus wastoid bozo stoner pals (28 year olds playing 16 year olds) go and like, totally crash the mall!



Avril clearly isn't an expert at mall-crashing, since the most rebellious thing she seems to do in this whole crazy video is apply a roll-on to her armpit. The way she pronounces 'clothes' and 'pose' in the second verse makes me want to strangle every person in a 50 yard radius whenever I hear it.

Next up was Avril's biggest hit to date, "Sk8er Boi", which demonstrates yet more evidence of her carefree badass teenage dirtbag ways, this time totally trashing the city with an impromptu gig in the middle of the road. Avril stomps around the video walking all over cars and generally being a bloody big nuicance, while wailing about some little shitbag who she wasn't interested in at school, but now that he is "Rocking on MTV" he is suddenly Mr Irresistible. Great life lesson for the younger listeners there, record company executive.




After a short hiatus in which she married, and divorced, some bonehead from Sum 41, Avril was back with a song titled 'Girlfriend' a glorified cheerleader routine which somehow managed to irritate all five of the human senses. In this one, Avril is lusting after another girl's man, insisting that she should be his girlfriend (hence the title) despite offering zero evidence to back this claim up. Avril again shows herself as a beacon of morality in the accompanying music video, in which she plays two different women, namely a frigid goody goody with sand in her vagina and herself, an evil she-bitch intent on clamping her claws into the knuckle-dragging bonehead whose girlfriend she is so desperate to be. And be his girlfriend she shall be. AT ANY COST.

I'm unable to embed the video so I'll quickly explain it via the written word;

Good Avril and her boyfriend are at the fair, as is Evil Avril along with a cackle of couldron-stirring whores. Whilst Good Avril seems like a lovely wholesome girl with a moral compass and a cardigan, Evil Avril is dressed in EVIL black clothing and has EVIL HAIR and comes across as a genuinely contemptible bitch, stalking Good Avril around the fairground and smashing her in the face with golf balls and running her off the road in a go-kart. The climax of the video sees Good Avril chasing after the boy, tripping and rolling down a hill and catching the side of her head on an ornamental flamingo. To top off her humilation, she does a roly-poly into a portaloo just as some fat dude vacates it, the suggestion been that he has just had a fat steaming shit which she is now covered in. This heartless bastard of a boy declines to help her, instead sloping off with Evil Avril to recieve a cheeky blozzer in a toilet stall. Evil Avril pumps her fist triumphantly in a gesture that implies her behaviour is that of one of life's winners, does a sort of weird wink/smile thing and closes the toilet door, informing her young, impressionable demographic watching on TV/Youtube* that being a nasty, conniving slag wins the day and that it's OK to be a promiscuous skank.

Avril Lavigne on Last FM



*This, by the way, is the most watched Youtube video ever. Or it was, I'm not sure if it's been overtaken by some amazing Lady Gaga effort or a phone recording of a baby shitting on the family cat.