Houston

Houston was (or maybe still is. I'm not sure) a ten-a-penny American R&B artist. I remember his song 'I Like That' was used on a TV ad for McDonalds. In a way, you could argue that he was the original Justin Timberlake. Or the new Justin Timberlake, depending on when JT was the voice of the aforementioned 'food' retailers. Houston was at his most successful for a few days in autumn 2004, when 'I Like That' achieved success, hitting #1 in 37 countries and breaking all UK chart records. This, of course, is a lie. I made number 11. And it most probably won't have done as well as that if it wasn't for McDonalds. But here is the video so you can judge how much of a travesty is was that the last sentance wasn't true.



As you can see, Houston was nothing if not innovative. Sexy ladies on motorcycles, tits flailing all over the place, arrogant tosser rollin' into a club and acting like he is the most important person there, no-name rappers layin' down some dope rhymes. Oh look, there's Chingy! Remember Chingy? Here is Chingy's biggest hit;



Is there a modern-day R&B (If that's what this is) artist on Earth who can release a record without some obnoxious moron shitting out a load of meaningless mysoginistic "G-G-G-G- UNIT!" bullshit all over it?And what kind of a name is fucking Chingy?

Anyway, this isn't about Chingy. This is about Houston. I actually quite liked that song back in the day. I can't remember why. Apparently, there was a second UK single, 'Ain't Nothing Wrong.' Which is a double negative, meaning there was something wrong. There certainly was something wrong in terms of this song. Namely, it is a pile of shit. Here is the video.



Wretched. Just wretched. Number 33 apparently. Makes sense considering how terrible that song is.

I don't know if Houston ever bothered the charts again after this. I kinda just forgot he existed. (Easily done, I'm sure you will concur). But then last year, I was reading some crap music magazine or other (Probably Q or NME) and came across this somewhat wretched picture.

**I'm gonna leave a gap here, becuase I feel this picture needs preparation time. Especially for those like myself who have a real fucking issue with eye-related matters.)




















Vile. Houston, in a fit of rage, gouged out his own eye. Some say he was on PCP. Some say he wasn't on PCP. What I do know is that Houston was raised in a devoutly religious family. Read into that what you will.

I hope Houston is doing well. Someone who makes this music and stabs their own eyes is clearly not well. If Houston ever bothers the UK charts again, I'll mostly not care. But a small part of me will feel warm inside.


Official Site

Houston on Myspace

Houston on Last FM